I got to go shopping yesterday. Alone.  For about five hours.  Now, I know what a luxury that is…I can’t remember the last time I was able to try something on in a dressing room without trying to keep Addie from crawling under the door.  So when I was able to have a day devoted to as much shopping as I could handle I was really looking forward to it!

Here were my highlights:

• I tried something on in every single store I entered.
• I used the STAIRS!
• I stopped at Starbucks and got a drink that I wanted rather than something I could share with my sweet girl.

There were other good things about the day, but the thing that surprised me the most was that while I was out, I really just wanted to be at home with Christopher and Addison.  Can you believe that?  I had an entire day to myself and I kept thinking that I should forget the things that I had wanted to get done, stop the things I needed to do and just drive home and snuggle in with my family.

If we had more time at home between trips then I think I could have really revelled in the day.  But we have five days left and we just got home last week.  I just want to spend every moment with them.  But I came home and wanted only to tell Chris what a great time I had, not that I felt like crying a few times while I was out because I kept thinking about how much I want to just be at home together.  I don’t want him to feel like I am unappreciative of my “me time” that he so graciously wants me to have and enjoy.  How could I come home and tell him that I wished I hadn’t gone at all?

Okay, that’s not completely honest…I’m glad I went, I just wish I had only been gone for one hour, maybe two.  Instead of wasting the day away shuffling between Nordstrom and The Gap.  I know this sounds whiney, I could have left at any point during the day.  But switch your mind into mommy mode, if you rarely get time to yourself and one day you have the freedom to do as you please but you really just want to stay home — would you stay home and miss out on that small window to remember what it feels like to be in public just as YOU and not as MOMMY?  I couldn’t justify missing a day to myself when we just got done with a ten day trip when I had Addie by myself and we are just days away from a ten day trip without Christopher.

Its complicated.  Welcome to motherhood, right?  Do what’s right in the moment or do what you think you should so you don’t regret missing it in five days when you have zero time alone…tough choice.

So, there is my shopping challenge.  Not exactly life changing, but I think the basic idea transcends to SO many aspects of parenthood.  Next time, I’m listening to my gut.