Addie threw the biggest fit I had ever seen today.  We were in the middle of Target after running a couple of other errands and she had been in an okay mood but had been on the edge of getting upset all day.  She wanted to walk on her own – I let her walk as long as she stayed with me.  She wanted to wear a princess backpack and push a Hello Kitty rolling suitcase around the store, so I said okay.  If she wanted to stop and look at something, we stopped.  I figure that she has to do what we want all the time, so when I am out with Addie I always listen to what she wants and make sure I make it equal between what’s best for me and what’s best for her – and this has always kept her happy and helped her develop into a little shopping buddy. The suitcases were actually a big help. Whenever Addie would dawdle or wouldn’t listen to me I would ask her if it was time to but her suitcase away. Her eyes would get wide and then she’d do exactly what she was supposed to.

But today….oh today….

I was carrying a full basket while searching for a skirt in Addie’s size (for our upcoming Disneyworld trip) and then we were heading to the check out.  I figured I would deal with the suitcase and backpack situation at the last minute.   When Addie left the rolling bag by the clothes racks and started walking toward the registers I figured I was home free! Only one bag to say no to…

But no.  She remembered the suitcase and when I told her that we weren’t going to get it she FLIPPED OUT.  I’m talking screaming, flailing, tears pouring down her cheeks, she even wound up and took a swing at me.  She was pissed off. So I took her to a little aisle between the watches and the jewelry and talked to her in a very calm voice asking her to calm down.  Usually, she’ll quiet down enough to hear my voice and then I’ll ask her to tell me with words why she’s so upset – by then she’s pretty much calm.  But noooo, THIS time she was so mad that when she couldn’t squirm her arms out from my “hug” she grimaced and then head butted me.  That’s right, head butted. It hurt. A lot.  At this point I was starting to get mad at her because she was intentionally hurting me, but I know that if I get upset she’ll only get MORE upset so that is never the answer.  I knelt down with her, holding her arms by her side as gently as I could and told her very calmly and quietly that if she didn’t calm down and talk to me then we would have to put all our fun stuff back and leave without buying anything.  No dice. The decibel level just kept going up.  And then she head butted me. Again.

At this point I am starting to wonder what other people were thinking as they walked by.  It could very easily look like she was crying so hard because I was scolding her, or maybe hurting her because I was holding her arms.  The thing is, I know that as soon as I start focusing on what other people are thinking then I start to adjust my parenting to what I think they need to see – and that should NEVER be the case.  So I steeled my resolve and coached myself in my head: stay calm, it doesn’t matter what they think, focus on Addie and what she needs, calm her down, help her learn how to do this, you are a good parent. So I picked her up, held her close to me so she could feel how much I loved her (and so she couldn’t hit me again.) When we got to the shoe aisle she was still at level ten and wasn’t slowing down. I sat on the floor and held her on my lap while she squirmed and flailed trying to get away.  But I stayed calm, spoke to her quietly and just did my best to get her to chill out enough that we could check out and go home.  I did not want to make good on my threat of leaving without any of the stuff in our basket…that would only mean we would have to come back again to get all the stuff I needed!

Luckily, she eventually calmed down.  We checked out with just a little whimper rather than a full blown, angry rant and I never compromised my parenting.  In a demented, painful way, it was a successful trip to Target.

Next time I’m wearing a helmet.