Posted on by katieovergard

You only need to fear if they’re in a pack.

I’m not afraid of bees – unless there’s a swarm. Single wolf? I can handle it, but a pack gets me running. Birds? One flying over head is fine but a gaggle of geese means you’re more likely to find poop in your hair.

Today I learned this theory can easily be applied to teenagers.  One, or even a few, at a time are great. I love the way teenagers think; they are often times funny, inspired thinkers who make great company.  But put too many in one place and I am going to frantically search for the exit.

Chris and I made the mistake of going to Noodle and Co. today at 11:15 AM.  Pretty normal for us, but we didn’t think about that fact that school is out for the summer and so our beloved downtown Naperville is now overrun with fourteen years olds in gaggles and groups and hoards.  But we did not turn tail and run away from our lunch, we pressed on through the girls in too short shorts and the boys slyly checking out the budding girls surrounding them.  As I stood in line to order I watched the group of girls in line ahead of me.  I would guess they were thirteen or fourteen, they were too young to wear makeup as their eyelashes were clean and their faces still held that fresh glow of childhood.

Pulling from my past I judged that they were most likely the “popular girls” – long, straight, sunstreaked hair, pretty faces, super skinny with long legs that were barely covered with denim shorts.  They called each other sweetie and grabbed each other’s hands as they chattered back and forth.  One kept running to a table packed with kids her age and whispered with another “alpha” girl, this one brunette, who had her legs intertwined with a Justin Bieber-ish boy.  The teenager tables were all packed past capacity: chairs pulled from every corner of the restaurant so twelve kids could eat at a six person table.  Directly behind the alpha table sat a table of six girls. They were more reserved than the rest of the (ridiculously loud) tables, they leaned in to each other when they spoke and smiled rather than screamed when something was funny.  They were not the popular girls: one was overweight and had her frizzy hair tucked back with a headband I have purchased for Addie in the past. The others were a little nerdy – sweet, nice looking kids but nothing like the 14 year old glamazons with their flowy locks.

And as I watched each table of teenagers I wondered – are those leggy girls nice to the other kids? Were they raised to be conscious of everyone else’s feelings? I tried to be inconspicuous as I watched them all intently…where would I want Addie to sit?

It’s a tough question.  It’s a question I don’t think I can really answer, but I know what kind of kid I want her to be.  I don’t know if she’s going to be a great beauty at 14 or if she’s going to be like her mom was at that age and be awkward and a little nerdy with frizzy hair.  But behind that frizzy hair her mama was kind and thoughtful and sensitive of how other kids felt.  Maybe too sensitive.  If she is like her mama she will have to learn how to be a good person before she grows into her beauty.  But regardless of her exterior, my daughter will know to be kind to everyone.  She will watch the other kids faces when they are made fun of and she will feel their pain and she will defend them.  I want to teach her that popularity means nothing, cliques are overrated and that the path to follow is the one paved with unconditional kindness.  She will show the other kids – regardless of her popularity – that she will laugh at a funny joke, no matter who tells it.  She will sit with a lonely kid while everyone else peers over their shoulder’s at his obvious pain.  She will be herself and be proud of every unique thing that makes her Addison Overgard.

I hope.  I am going to do my best to teach her and guide her and show her through my example that the best thing we can be in this life is kind.  I hope to teach my daughter that knowing who she is, and having confidence in that person, is all the approval she needs. Everything else is just icing.

As the girls paid for their food with wads of bills in their little fists I hoped that their parents raised them with an awareness of other people’s feelings.  And as they shuffled past the table of nerdy girls – the table at which 14 year old Katie would have been sitting – I hoped that each of those girls in their Disney t-shirts, with their imperfect hair, knew that she had something incredible to offer the world.

And as I wound my way to the back of the room – dodging gangly arms and too big feet – my sweet little girl smiled at me.  Whatever she grows up to be, she will be a good person.  I am confident.

Posted on by katieovergard

It’s nap time and I’m tired.

Addie sleeps for a solid two hours every day. We plan our schedules around her naps and I feel that we have figured out our days so they work for us.  When Addie is awake Chris and I both work to make her feel that she is always part of the conversation…we never just leave her to fend for herself, it’s always the three of us doing things together.  Because we are a team of three and not two parents against one kid, she is developing into a very cool little person with a great vocabulary and understanding of what behavior is acceptable and when.

But I digress, the point is, because we are always together during the “awake” hours the two nap time hours taunt me with all of the THINGS I need to get done.  But I’m tired. I need a little downtime too but find myself being pulled by the couch cushion with the imprint of my butt, my website, this blog, my sewing machine and it’s numerous projects people have ordered AND various and sundry things I can clean/fix.  I can get a lot done in two undisturbed hours!

But I usually don’t.  There is a reason the couch cushion has an imprint of my derriere: because most days I let myself off the hook and I RELAX while Addie sleeps.  And you know what? I am a better mom because of it. I am a better wife because of it. I am a better PERSON because of it.  Not everyone has the luxury to hang out while their child sleeps, in reality-land there are circumstances that must be taken care of when there is time available.  But I have learned, and I challenge you to do the same – ease up on yourself a little bit.  Take five minutes and look at a fashion blog, or read a magazine.  Do something that you find relaxing.  The dirty dishes in the sink aren’t going to explode if you don’t wash them right away.  The clean clothes in the dryer can be tossed around again with a damp towel and they’ll never know the difference.

Give yourself a break. It’s called nap time for a reason, take advantage of it!

Posted on by katieovergard · 1 Comment

The Truth: I am awesome.

Chris and I are incredible parents.  We are a fantastic team, Addison is smart and well behaved, polite and loving.  She knows her numbers, her letters and can count in spanish.  We listen to her and treat her as a person and not a little kid.  She’s rather exceptional. There isn’t a whole lot that I would change about the way we are raising our daughter.

Did reading that make you uncomfortable?

If it did don’t be ashamed, I think we’re groomed to bristle at the mention of the positive.  Is this more comfortable:

“Chris and I are taking this parenting thing day by day.  It feels like there is always more to learn and our daily challenges make me feel like parenting is a never ending battle/lesson that I will never be able to perfect.  There is always something I can do better, there is always someone who knows better.”

Most of the above statement is as true as the first one you read, but man, it’s depressing.  But I feel like it is what people want to hear, not the confident declaration of happiness up top.

WHY?

I do believe that Chris and I are fantastic parents. We love this parenting gig.  I can’t help but wonder that people are uncomfortable with that fact because rather than hearing “CHRIS AND I ARE GREAT PARENTS” they hear, “CHRIS AND I ARE BETTER PARENTS THAN YOU.”

No one likes a bragging, boastful, know-it-all.  But maybe, just maybe we tag someone as those things because we feel threatened – not because they actually deserve it.  Am I the only one who feels this standard when it comes to discussions about parenthood? Because I, more often than not, sit back and listen to other people complain about their struggles/kid’s tantrums/husband’s incompetencies/lack of time, space and happiness.

I can admit that the flow of negativity could just be a much needed rant.  Everyone deserves the chance to rant. But is it all negative because that’s how they truly feel about their life or because the hardships are approved topics?  If I were to be completely honest in conversations with other parents it would be awkward and kind of irritating.  Because my life is pretty easy.  I don’t have some of the hardships and struggles that other parents face everyday.  Our life is so unconventional that other people don’t, and can’t, understand our very unconventional problems.  But day to day, my life is bliss. People who lack their own bliss don’t like hearing about mine.

So I keep my mouth shut.

But I believe that if we all talked about the positive things, the things our kids and spouses do RIGHT, the things we love about parenting, then we could set a fresh precedent for the new crop of parents.  We could start a whole new conversation that lets them enter parenthood with confidence and excitement rather than terror of the unknown.  Happier parents make happier kids.

And there is nothing uncomfortable about a happy kid.

So next time someone asks how you’re doing, or what is going on in your life, tell them something GOOD. Then make a habit of it.

Let’s see if this catches on.

Posted on by katieovergard · 1 Comment

Hap Muvers Day!

This is my third Mother’s Day…I’m early in the game, I know.  But at numero tres I am officially a big fan of this day.  My first mother’s day was nice, Addie was five months old, was baptized on Mother’s Day and my entire family had flown out from Colorado.  With all the awesome things going on I didn’t really feel the storied effects of the Big Mom’s Day.

Number Two was nice. I can’t complain about Chris doing whatever I want to do all day!  Last year I wanted to go on a family bike ride but springtime in Chicago had different plans. That and as the rain poured down the glass of the bicycle shop the employees inside were anything but helpful in our buying a new bike for yours truly.

But THIS year…oh let me tell ya, THIS year is awesome.  Addison is old enough to get that this is a special day for mommy.  I woke up and took a long, leisurely shower. Check one on good start to the day list. As I rounded the corner of the stairs Addie ran across the room yelling, “HAPPY MUVER’S DAY MAMA!” then jumped in my arms and gave the the best hugs and kisses ever.

How do you beat that? Now that my child is old enough to (start to) understand what Mother’s Day means now I can feel what makes this day so special.  I mean, I have loved LOVED celebrating my mama on Mother’s Day. It’s always been her day. But I’ve always wondered about what she, and other moms, really wanted on this day. Did they want to spend the day with their kids? Spend the day alone with only peace and quiet to keep them company? I’m gonna be honest, I still don’t know what other moms want. But I couldn’t ask for anything more than what I have.  We’re halfway through the day and already, it’s perfect.  The awesome greeting this morning, some playtime and then a picnic in the park with my husband and daughter.  Sunshine. Slides. Laughter. How can you beat it?

I’m so grateful to be a mom. To have a day that celebrates motherhood. To be the daughter of a woman who has always been, and will always be an integral piece of who I am.

Happy Mother’s Day to all of you out there who have raised, reared, given birth to, adopted, loved, nurtured, nourished, clothed, cleaned, taught, learned, kissed boo boos, felt fevers, soothed sobs, and combed hair.  You have made, we are making, a difference in the world by filling these children with love and sending them out to share the love with others.

I salute you Mamas!

And I love YOU Mama.

Posted on by katieovergard · 4 Comments

The Truth: Love at first sight?

A woman spends months dreaming of the first moment her baby is placed in her arms. Sometimes the months are spent getting to know the little kicker in her womb, and other times the months pass imagining her baby while waiting for an adoption to go through.  Whatever the circumstances, I don’t think anything can compare to the actual moment when a mother meets her child for the first time.

Well for me, it wasn’t an overwhelming rush of life-changing love.  I thought the little baby was adorable, I wanted to protect her and hold her and look at her.  I wanted to feel like I had just been turned inside out with blissful happiness.  But I didn’t know this little person – MY child lived in my now deflated belly. She kicked me in the ribs and performed impressive acrobatics on my organs making my stomach contort into odd shapes.  MY baby went with me everywhere and pressed her tiny foot against my palm when I rested it on my belly button.

This child they placed in my arms was beautiful.  I could see her Daddy in her face. But I was not knocked sideways, my world was not turned upside down. I didn’t feel like a mom.  I felt like a failure.  Yeah, isn’t that nice? Right off the bat, I felt like I was failing this tiny, precious baby.  I was thrilled to have her in my arms, but she could have come from anyone, there was nothing about having her in my grasp that felt the same as the past nine months had.  She came to us three weeks early and spent her first day of life in the NICU – would I have felt differently if they let me have her right away?  It took us about three weeks of painful, emotionally difficult attempts at breastfeeding before we both got the hang of it – would it have been easier if she never had newborn formula in the hospital? One morning I held my teeny six pound daughter in my arms as she slept. I was wearing a thick robe (it was January) and she was wrapped in her blankie.  When I handed her over to her Daddy he nestled her in his arms with ease and said to her, “Oh my, you’re so sweaty!”

I dissolved into tears and walked into the kitchen feeling defeated and useless and incapable of taking care of this child.  Chris’ comment was completely innocent, babies get sweaty when they sleep in one position for so long – and he had no idea I was struggling with feeling incompetent.  So MY daddy curled me up in HIS lap and soothed me from heaving sobs to quiet tears.  While he held my head against his shoulder, he calmed Chris who was watching wide-eyed and concerned for his wife.  He hadn’t done anything wrong. And my dad helped me understand that I didn’t do anything wrong either. I had only been a mother for a few days…nothing was going to happen immediately.

Every day that passed I learned something new about Addie. She loved to have her hands on her face. When she nursed she liked to rest her tiny little hand on my chest.  I learned how to hold her the way she liked, and to rock her to sleep when she was restless. Every day that passed I fell deeper and deeper in love with her.  As I got to know her, she became MY child, I started to recognize the little kicker that bruised my ribs from the inside.  I fell in love with her the way I fell in love with her Daddy, spending time together and learning all the tiny things that make a person an individual.  And just like her Daddy and I did, Addison and I developed an irreplaceable and unbreakable bond.

I didn’t start feeling like a mom until I saw the recognition on her face when I was around.  I started feeling like a mommy when I was the only person in the world who could be what she needed. But now, two years and four months into our lifelong relationship, I am a MOTHER. I will never tire of her sweet, little voice saying,  “Mama, what dat?” or “Mama! Missed You!” or “Wuv you Mama” or even “Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama! Mama!” When I finally say, “Yes?” all she has to say is Hi.

That little lump of cute that was placed in my arms on January 13th 2008 has become my friend and my accomplice, my love, my buddy, my teammate, my assistant, my smile, my heart and my happiness. My DAUGHTER.  Love at first sight? Not for me. But what we have is even better and I wouldn’t change it for anything in the world.