You know when you walk by a parent struggling with their toddler and the parent seems to be at wits end trying to get their child to _________ (sit in the stroller/stop crying/put the toy back on the shelf/stop whining) and the kid just cries harder?  With whom do you sympathize in this situation, the parent or the child?

I would assume most parents would feel for their fellow parent. They would watch with an understanding nod of their head and think: man, I’ve been there. But not me, I watch the kid who is inevitably melting into hysterics on the ground.  Alright, every so often I feel for the parent too, but in very specific situations.  Let me explain.

I usually try to stay off my soap box and only speak from my own experiences in parenting.  Feeling judged is an awful, and guaranteed, part of parenting and I do not want to be the one giving some poor mom or dad the evil “your doing it wrong” eye.  But there is one thing I see parents doing all the time that I just can’t shut up about.  It is just not fair to the kids.

Please do not expect your child to react to life like a mature adult.  Or even an immature adult. It’s not fair.

What is she talking about? Am I right, is this what you’re thinking?  I see this all the time – parents getting mad at their children because they are crying in public, or squirming in the baby seat of the grocery cart.  Oh, it makes me so sad.  Why? Because those little ones are just starting to figure out how to act like a kid, they’re just starting to understand their place in the world.  And the world is a pretty confusing place when you’re two and a half feet tall.

I’m getting judgey and soap-boxy, I know.  But there are so many parents out there who have completely forgotten what its like to be a kid, or lack the imagination to think about the frustrations of being a toddler.  At the end of your rope because you’re trying to check out at Target but your two year old is flipping out?  Well, its lunch time. Your kid is hungry.  Well, when I’m hungry I don’t throw a fit! You may not sob uncontrollably when you feel hunger pangs but you have had YEARS to learn to control those urges.  Your child is brand spankin new and hasn’t learned how to appropriately express their discomfort.  Instead of yelling at him/her because she is crying again, why not express understanding that s/he is hungry and let them know that getting food in that belly is your top priority?  I have seen this countless times in public – what is that poor kid learning when his mom just gets mad at him when he is hungry?

When we took Addie to Disneyland for her second birthday the Happiest Place on Earth was teeming with screaming toddlers in strollers being pushed by pissed off parents.  Very vocal pissed off parents.  I am not making assumptions when I say that it is not reasonable to expect a three year old to spend hours in the heat of Florida – with or without crowds, long lines and jarring rides – without stopping for a nap and down time.  We paid a lot of money to come here and we’re not wasting any time on a nap/snack! is not an acceptable expectation.

Children need rest. And food. And breaks from excitement.  They need time to process what is going on around them before they make a decision about how to react and even then it may not be the correct reaction.  They need to learn about emotions and the proper way to express how they feel.  Children are works in progress, they are in training to be a part of society and it is YOUR job as a parent to be their teacher and guide.  We are not built to instinctively understand that hunger does not equal anger.  We have to learn the difference.  Even if yours is not a lovey-dovey, hand holding family, it is still your duty to patiently lead your child into understanding how the world works – not to yell at them until the message gets through.

Is this my opinion? Yes.  It is my opinion that adults should alter their expectations of their children’s social development.  Can you get upset with me if I throw a fit because I don’t want to sit in my chair for long periods of time? Sure, if that’s the way you roll, go ahead and get mad.  I’m an adult and I should know better. But when it comes to a child please stop, think about what could be so upsetting and imagine how YOU would feel in the same situation.  Then act accordingly while remembering that your reaction is making an indelible impression on that malleable mind.

I hope that the next time I am in line at the grocery store I see a mom leaning down to her crying child’s level and asking what’s wrong rather than telling the little one to quiet down or else.  I hope that the child knows that he can tell his mommy that he is tired and that she’ll listen and take him home so he can rest.  I hope that parent is you.

I promise to leave my soap box in the closet next time.