I have but a smidgen of parenting experience under my belt but I have observed a few different stages that parents hit as they (we) muddle our way through this whole “shaping our children for life” thing.  We move from the newborn stage when it feels like every decision is based around the baby: what does she need? is she hungry? is she warm?is she pooping enough? is she pooping too much? When in reality the newborn stage is more about US then it is about them.

Sure we’re thinking about them in everything we do, but this stage is more self-centered…don’t get defensive, hear me out.  If we were only thinking of the baby it would be cut and dry.  She’s fed, she’s warm, she’s pooing adequately.  It’s our newness to parenting that consumes us: am I doing this right? Did I put the diaper on correctly? What do other parents think of me? What do my parents think of me? Am I doing what’s best for her? AM I doing enough?  That’s a lot of I.  But the newborn stage is full of everyone getting used to that baby being in the world.

Stage two comes with toddlerhood when that little voice can articulate what she wants and needs.  Its during this stage that the kid starts becoming her own person and you start thinking about what SHE thinks and how SHE feels.  It’s not only a guess as to what she needs…she’ll tell you at length.  And then you do it.  Its during this stage that parents need to start establishing an identity apart from ‘parent’ because its easy to get lost in following the orders of the pint sized general issuing orders daily.

Stage three, which I have yet to enter, is when parent and child start to figure things out together – when its not all about her, but its not all about you either.  She starts having a schedule of her own and you start to have one outside of her daily needs.  This is the calm before the storm – when two individuals can work together on a team to benefit the greater good.

Next stage, the teen years.  When you both have your schedules and your needs and you have to figure out how to achieve the happiness of all involved when there is a new, independent individual emerging from the complacent child.  This is when we as parents can decide to accept that our baby is no longer a baby and start entertaining the idea of treating her like an equal – you know, acknowledging that she is going to start having profound ideas and realizations about life and who she wants to be.  And trying really hard to not say, “Oh, she’s just being a teenager.”  Because teenagers can be pretty cool.  It’s this stage that I can accept intellectually but not emotionally…will I be able to step back and let Addie figure out who she is without trying to imprint who I think she should be?  I hope so but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

And finally: adulthood.  The stage when kids gain membership into this great club of ours.  When they (we) start seeing our parents as people rather than ‘mom and dad’ cloaked in an untouchable shroud of superiority and unquestioned obedience.  When flaws are seen without a coating of sugar and admirable attributes are uncovered with a newfound understanding of the challenges of LIFE.  I feel like this is when the friendship that was achieved in toddlerhood and then overshadowed by growing up is uncovered and allowed to bloom between parents and child.  I hope that I will be able to step back and let Addie make her own decisions and do what’s right in her own life all the while letting her know that my love and support for her are immeasurable.  You know, that fine line between letting her know that all I want is to have her in my life but she can live her life without feeling like I can’t live without her.  Thats a tough thing to accomplish.

There you go.  The Idiots Guide to the Stages of Parenting.

Feel free to tell me I’m wrong, I’d love to hear from parents who are past their first two years of experience!