Someone told me a story recently about a woman who was never told as a child that she was pretty.  She wasn’t allowed to have a long ponytail lest it keep her from doing other things where it would get in the way.  It wasn’t that she was deprived of confidence or love; she was told how capable she was and that she could accomplish anything she put her mind to.  Pretty just wasn’t important.

Is that true? Is it healthier for our girls if we don’t let them know that they’re pretty?

I make a point every single day of telling Addie the things I love the most about her.  Sometimes we talk about her kindness and ability to make friends with everyone everywhere she goes.  Sometimes its her sense of humor or her sweetness or how she cares about how others feel.  She is constantly hearing, “You’re so smart Goose!” “Oh my goodness, what an interesting idea Addie!” and “What a beautiful little girl.” Is one of those things not like the others?

I don’t think so.  It’s definitely not essential to bolster Addie’s awareness that she is a beautiful girl, but I can’t find the down side.  As often as she hears anyone talk about her pretty blue eyes or her blonde curly hair she is regaled with people’s surprise at her wit and intelligence at three years old.  Yes, she knows she is pretty.  But she also knows that if she wants to she can be a “rocket driver” or she can do “keyate” (karate) or, if she really wants to, she can be a princess.

It is my mission to make sure that my daughter has healthy confidence.  I want her to have not only a positive but a realistic view of herself as she grows older.  Knowing she’s pretty isn’t going to keep her from being class president or from scoring a goal on the soccer field.  But it just might make her feel good when she catches a glimpse of those endless eyelashes as she brushes her teeth.  And more importantly, when other people start to notice and comment on how she looks, she won’t be blindsighted that appearance actually means something in this world.  But she will know that it doesn’t mean everything.

So I will keep telling her what a sweet little face she has, but I’ll be sure to keep pictures like this around to keep her feet on the ground!