I have days that I don’t like what I see.

Yup, Captain “Feel Good About Yourself” has bad body days.  Sometimes I’m not super happy with how my skin is looking at the grand ol’ age of 34.  Every once in a while I have a bad hair day.

I know it’s normal and that it happens to everyone.  I know in reality that I work hard on health and fitness and that when I look at myself in the mirror in the middle of yoga class I love and appreciate every single muscle that I have.  I appreciate that the line between my eyebrows has nothing to do with age and appeared long before I can remember because my face is so expressive and open.  I appreciate that my calves are carbon copies of my dad’s, even down to the bump on the back that no one else has but us.

But sometimes I look in the mirror when I put on shorts and I hear Travis’ voice in the high school cafeteria telling me I had man legs and that no girl should have muscles.

Still, at 34 years old I hear his voice telling me that how I look isn’t right.

When we found out I was pregnant with a girl one of the things we talked about as she lodged her little feet into my ribs was that we were going to raise her with confidence.  We were going to raise her to know that what she looks like, who she is, how she acts – it is all exactly how she should be.  And we have.  From day one we have taught her self awareness and self acceptance.  We have taught her that what someone looks like has no bearing on who they are.  And we impress upon her that kindness is always the answer, that we never know the story behind someones actions.  She knows, at seven years old, that when someone is unkind it is about them and not about her.

When Travis told me I was too muscular it was about him, not about me.

But it is so hard to make myself believe that some days.

99% of the time I don’t think about it.  I am strong and healthy and look better at 34 than I did in college.  I can do difficult yoga poses without breaking a sweat (I mean, I break a sweat, but its hot in there man) I can keep up with two active, rambunctious monkey children that keep me moving ALL DAY LONG.

How do I find balance in teaching my daughter to hold herself above the standards of others while struggling with the lesson myself?

Well, I don’t ever let her hear me disparage myself.  She only hears positive, loving messages.  I try not to let ME hear me disparage myself.  And I tell my sweet and loving husband that I am having confidence issues today and he says,

“You look better than you have ever looked.  You look strong and healthy and amazing.”

And then I love him even more.

I am not perfect in the eyes of everyone else in the world.  I don’t have super long, pin thin legs.  But I have two legs.  My legs can pedal a bike for miles while pulling 80 pounds of kids behind me on a trailer.  My arms can pick up and cuddle both kids, 2 and 7, without straining.

So to all the Travis-es of the world, please teach your children to be kind with their words because words are very sticky.  They adhere to the inside of someones heart and stay there, no matter how hard you try to peel them away.  I will continue to teach my children that what they think of themselves is much more important than what other people see.  I will continue to teach them that what they say matters, positive and negative.

And I will close my eyes and focus on what is great about me, and that I am proud to resemble my dad in any way I can.  I am enough just the way I am.