Posted on by katieovergard · 3 Comments

Easy A

I haven’t posted for a really long time. It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about, I think I have so much to say that the thought of typing it all out is overwhelming. A lot of great things are happening, great topics for a blog about parenthood: how much addison loves preschool, how she’s making friends, dealing with the massive undertaking of moving to a different state in a few months, the discussion of when to start trying for another baby…believe me, there is no lack of idea flow here.

Here is the reason you are reading these words right now: Chris is out of town for the week working; when he is gone and Addie is in bed I find movies to watch in the evening. Tonight I chose the comedy “Easy A” starring Emma Stone. Cute movie, I recommend it. Before I get to my point, let me give you a little background story…

A friend of mine is a health teacher at a local high school. Knowing that I suffered from bulimia in my past she asked me to come speak to her students about eating disorders. I jumped at the chance and have done it numerous times loving every minute of thirsty (and sometimes bored) young minds wanting to learn about something I had to say. One day, a student asked me what caused my eating disorder, I answered truthfully that it was the shooting at my high school that sent my emotional life into a tailspin. After the collective gasp died down that I had been a student at Columbine, we had a long discussion about the shooting; what happened, what has changed for me since, so on and so forth. These linked topics of eating disorders and school violence have been discussed each time I have been invited back to the school to impart my experiences on the kids.

But this last time something a student asked struck me; she asked if I was afraid to send my daughter to school because of the shooting. Without a second thought I said this in return,

“I’m not afraid to send Addie to school because of what happened on that day. If anything, schools have gotten safer and I know that just because it happened to me doesn’t mean that I should associate school with tragedy and fear. The reason I am terrified of sending my daughter to school is sitting in every classroom of this building right now. I am terrified of the other kids: what they’ll do, what they’ll say, rumors they’ll make up when it suits them. I am terrified of the pain that she may have to endure at the hands of mean girls and thoughtless boys. I’m afraid of the tears I may have to dry because someone said she did something that she didn’t do and everyone believed it.”

They looked at me, a little surprised, and quiet. Without giving them a chance to respond I continued, “this is what I got out of what happened at my high school: be kind. Just be kind to others. Because you never know what your words or actions will cause someone to do. But that’s not the reason to be kind – because your words could send someone over the edge. It’s because it’s the right thing to do. Because what you say and do now could cause someone so much pain that it will last years into their future because you were careless or mean or wanted to impress your friends by being cruel. Just be kind, there is NO reason not to be.”

Of all the things I have talked about with all those classes THAT conversation affected me the most. Because I am. Terrified. Of what my little girl may face.

So back to the movie, the plot is this: nice girl has rumors spread about her that she is promiscuous. She is, in fact, not promiscuous at all but the rumors are spread and pain inevitably ensues. There is more to it, and the writing is quite smart, but the topic drove me to such a point of emotion that I had to write this. At first I wanted this to be a letter to all those people in high school that said things about me that weren’t true, that hurt me and tainted me and still sting to this day. That were inexplicably passed down to siblings until my little sister heard rumors about me that, thankfully, she knew to mistrust. But the poison is still there. I’m sure that when those people see me on Facebook or hear my name come up in a conversation they associate me with those cruel things they spread about me all those years ago, and it still hurts me to think about that.

I’m confidence mama! Why should I care what those people from more than a decade ago think about me? I love who I am! WHY do i care?

Because those people do not exist only in the late nineties in Littleton, Colorado. They are everywhere, every day. People who say mean things and spread rumors and hurt others for no reason. And I am petrified that my sweet, confident, loving girl will encounter those people and she will get stung. I am terrified that she will cry herself to sleep because the people she thought were her friends turn out to be cruel, petty people. Dear God, I pray that doesn’t happen.

I have, and will continue, to make it my mission and goal to raise Addie to love who she is, to be kind and thoughtful and strong. I want her to know that when she encounters THOSE people that what they say doesn’t change who she is. I will teach her to keep her head held high and not let them harm her beautiful little heart.

Because mine still hurts.

Do the same, will you? Teach your child that spreading rumors and being mean is no way to be. Show them by example. Say kind things, do kind things, go out of your way to be nice to someone who needs it. Let’s teach our children away from bullying and cliques. But even if no one else does, I will do my best to raise my baby to have a soft heart and a tough skin.

I never want her to go through what I had to endure.

Posted on by katieovergard

stages of parenthood

I have but a smidgen of parenting experience under my belt but I have observed a few different stages that parents hit as they (we) muddle our way through this whole “shaping our children for life” thing.  We move from the newborn stage when it feels like every decision is based around the baby: what does she need? is she hungry? is she warm?is she pooping enough? is she pooping too much? When in reality the newborn stage is more about US then it is about them.

Sure we’re thinking about them in everything we do, but this stage is more self-centered…don’t get defensive, hear me out.  If we were only thinking of the baby it would be cut and dry.  She’s fed, she’s warm, she’s pooing adequately.  It’s our newness to parenting that consumes us: am I doing this right? Did I put the diaper on correctly? What do other parents think of me? What do my parents think of me? Am I doing what’s best for her? AM I doing enough?  That’s a lot of I.  But the newborn stage is full of everyone getting used to that baby being in the world.

Stage two comes with toddlerhood when that little voice can articulate what she wants and needs.  Its during this stage that the kid starts becoming her own person and you start thinking about what SHE thinks and how SHE feels.  It’s not only a guess as to what she needs…she’ll tell you at length.  And then you do it.  Its during this stage that parents need to start establishing an identity apart from ‘parent’ because its easy to get lost in following the orders of the pint sized general issuing orders daily.

Stage three, which I have yet to enter, is when parent and child start to figure things out together – when its not all about her, but its not all about you either.  She starts having a schedule of her own and you start to have one outside of her daily needs.  This is the calm before the storm – when two individuals can work together on a team to benefit the greater good.

Next stage, the teen years.  When you both have your schedules and your needs and you have to figure out how to achieve the happiness of all involved when there is a new, independent individual emerging from the complacent child.  This is when we as parents can decide to accept that our baby is no longer a baby and start entertaining the idea of treating her like an equal – you know, acknowledging that she is going to start having profound ideas and realizations about life and who she wants to be.  And trying really hard to not say, “Oh, she’s just being a teenager.”  Because teenagers can be pretty cool.  It’s this stage that I can accept intellectually but not emotionally…will I be able to step back and let Addie figure out who she is without trying to imprint who I think she should be?  I hope so but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

And finally: adulthood.  The stage when kids gain membership into this great club of ours.  When they (we) start seeing our parents as people rather than ‘mom and dad’ cloaked in an untouchable shroud of superiority and unquestioned obedience.  When flaws are seen without a coating of sugar and admirable attributes are uncovered with a newfound understanding of the challenges of LIFE.  I feel like this is when the friendship that was achieved in toddlerhood and then overshadowed by growing up is uncovered and allowed to bloom between parents and child.  I hope that I will be able to step back and let Addie make her own decisions and do what’s right in her own life all the while letting her know that my love and support for her are immeasurable.  You know, that fine line between letting her know that all I want is to have her in my life but she can live her life without feeling like I can’t live without her.  Thats a tough thing to accomplish.

There you go.  The Idiots Guide to the Stages of Parenting.

Feel free to tell me I’m wrong, I’d love to hear from parents who are past their first two years of experience!

Posted on by katieovergard

Two Thumbs Up: My Little Movie Critic

First it was The Daddy Movie (recently upgraded with her improved language skills to Credbles) then Cars and Fishy Movie, also known as Neem. Then we moved to the “Pince” movies like Snow White and Seep Beauty. From there we had a short jaunt with Pan Tin Bell and most recently, Lil Mernaid.  And it looks like the mernaid is here to stay for awhile.

Goose and "Cind-redda"

I love seeing her immerse herself in these fantastical stories…and I can’t help but fall right in with her.  When she would only watch The Incredibles she was entranced but was a bit too young to express her imagination; although she was imaginative enough to recognize that it was about the Daddy, hence, “the daddy movie”.  Our relationship with Cars was long and involved.  Many a plane ride and bedtime were spent with our friends McQueen and Mater.  Did you know they sell all the characters from Cars at the Disney store? You can come to our house if you want to see them, Addie has every. single. one.

Her love of all things racing has benefitted us, I have to admit.  Her favorite scene in the movie is during the race when King, McQueen and Chick are racing for the cup; we’ve seen it countless times.  Chris and I have adjusted our language since Addie started paying attention but one particular day Addie overheard a conversation Chris and I were having on Skype while he was on a work trip.  We were talking about an irritating play someone made in a tournament and one of us commented on how pissed off he had been. Addie mumbled something in the background and when I asked her to repeat it she turned to me and said, “Daddy won the Piston Cup!”

Thank you Lightning McQueen.

Pan Tin Bell didn’t last long but started an odd obsession with crocodiles… that particular dvd lives at MoMo and PaPa’s house and I’m confident she will resume her love for Tink on our next trip.

Goose and "Jazz-in"

Through our journey of cinematic enthusiasm my favorite has to be her love for The Little Mermaid…uh, excuse me, mernaid. Disney released the movie when I was in the third grade and I watched it every day after school. I’m not kidding, every. single. day. So the day Addie held up the fork from her princess tea set and exclaimed, “Dinglehopper!” and proceeded to slide it through her little blonde curls, I was incredibly proud. Now everything is about Floun-er and ‘Bastion and Arel.  My sweet little girl drops to the ground randomly: in the grocery store, the mall, in the middle of the fabric store, and does the mermaid wiggle all while telling me she is swimming like her best friend Arel.

I don’t care what others say, Disney is truly magical.  Today, I opened a package from Disney movie club – of which I am a proud member – and found Toy Stories 1 & 2.  I have a feeling we’re going to have a new obsession by this afternoon.  And I couldn’t be happier.

Goose and her pals Minnie and Mickey
Posted on by katieovergard · 1 Comment

Traveling with a Toddler – again

I am not an expert on much, but I know how to travel with a toddler – well, MY toddler.  After 58 flights together we have things pretty figured out (read this for tips on traveling with your kids) I no longer get stressed out about what might happen or what could get spilled/pooped on/lost.  In fact, we’re getting kinda mechanical about airport trips.

And, other than on this site, I don’t broadcast our travel experience like I did as we crossed the 30 flight barrier.  No boasting, no bragging. Just flying.  But as my broadcasting ceased I think it became MORE obvious that Addie and I are weathered vets.  As we went through the motions in security yesterday a frazzled mom in our line kept watching us – looking up and then away as soon as I caught her eye. Finally I asked her if she needed help.  Seven questions about carseats and liquids and travel wheels later she and her son were through the sensors.  On the plane, the man sitting in our row asked how to secure the carseat to the place seat, how I got Addie to watch a movie contentedly, where I found our travel wheels (a must have by the way, click here to get yours), what snacks to take on a plane, on and on.  He had yet to travel with his 18 month old son and wanted all the help he could get. I thought he was going to choke on a peanut when he asked how often we traveled.

There are lots of tips and pointers and little things you can do to keep your kid happy on a plane – but as long as you know your kid and what they are interested in then you should be golden.  Just take the things they like and it will be fine.  But there is something that is VITAL for parents to remember:

Pay attention to your child.

Go into the flight knowing that at no point will you pull out that magazine or book that you want to read – I never even pack one anymore.  Don’t expect your child to sleep, because s/he probably won’t.  Put your parenting pants on and be there for your kid from gate to gate.   If your child cries for two hours straight, don’t sweat it.  If you are doing everything you can for your child then you are doing enough.  People will give you dirty looks, they will be irritated, but they’ll be fine.  As soon as your plane pulls into your destination gate and you hear the flight attendant say “Thank you for flying with us. The local time is…” all of those dirty looks will file off the plane and you will never see any of them ever again.  Does your daughter have a fascination with pushing her feet on the seat back in front of her? Mine does.  I am on her the whole flight about keeping her feet down but there is only so much I can do short of tying her feet to the bottom of her car seat.  Here’s my trick: we fly Southwest.  I choose a seat surrounded on all sides by emptys so whoever sits by us CHOOSES to do so.  I warn the person who sits in front of Addie that we are working on the seat kicking so if they want to move they can.  I have never seen anyone move and most of them say they are parents or grandparents and they understand.

The point is: create a little travel bubble around you and your child(ren).  Be what they need and all will be fine.  Everyone else had ample opportunity to buy noise-canceling headphones before the flight.  And trust me, your child is WAY less annoying than the drunk people four rows up!

Posted on by katieovergard

You only need to fear if they’re in a pack.

I’m not afraid of bees – unless there’s a swarm. Single wolf? I can handle it, but a pack gets me running. Birds? One flying over head is fine but a gaggle of geese means you’re more likely to find poop in your hair.

Today I learned this theory can easily be applied to teenagers.  One, or even a few, at a time are great. I love the way teenagers think; they are often times funny, inspired thinkers who make great company.  But put too many in one place and I am going to frantically search for the exit.

Chris and I made the mistake of going to Noodle and Co. today at 11:15 AM.  Pretty normal for us, but we didn’t think about that fact that school is out for the summer and so our beloved downtown Naperville is now overrun with fourteen years olds in gaggles and groups and hoards.  But we did not turn tail and run away from our lunch, we pressed on through the girls in too short shorts and the boys slyly checking out the budding girls surrounding them.  As I stood in line to order I watched the group of girls in line ahead of me.  I would guess they were thirteen or fourteen, they were too young to wear makeup as their eyelashes were clean and their faces still held that fresh glow of childhood.

Pulling from my past I judged that they were most likely the “popular girls” – long, straight, sunstreaked hair, pretty faces, super skinny with long legs that were barely covered with denim shorts.  They called each other sweetie and grabbed each other’s hands as they chattered back and forth.  One kept running to a table packed with kids her age and whispered with another “alpha” girl, this one brunette, who had her legs intertwined with a Justin Bieber-ish boy.  The teenager tables were all packed past capacity: chairs pulled from every corner of the restaurant so twelve kids could eat at a six person table.  Directly behind the alpha table sat a table of six girls. They were more reserved than the rest of the (ridiculously loud) tables, they leaned in to each other when they spoke and smiled rather than screamed when something was funny.  They were not the popular girls: one was overweight and had her frizzy hair tucked back with a headband I have purchased for Addie in the past. The others were a little nerdy – sweet, nice looking kids but nothing like the 14 year old glamazons with their flowy locks.

And as I watched each table of teenagers I wondered – are those leggy girls nice to the other kids? Were they raised to be conscious of everyone else’s feelings? I tried to be inconspicuous as I watched them all intently…where would I want Addie to sit?

It’s a tough question.  It’s a question I don’t think I can really answer, but I know what kind of kid I want her to be.  I don’t know if she’s going to be a great beauty at 14 or if she’s going to be like her mom was at that age and be awkward and a little nerdy with frizzy hair.  But behind that frizzy hair her mama was kind and thoughtful and sensitive of how other kids felt.  Maybe too sensitive.  If she is like her mama she will have to learn how to be a good person before she grows into her beauty.  But regardless of her exterior, my daughter will know to be kind to everyone.  She will watch the other kids faces when they are made fun of and she will feel their pain and she will defend them.  I want to teach her that popularity means nothing, cliques are overrated and that the path to follow is the one paved with unconditional kindness.  She will show the other kids – regardless of her popularity – that she will laugh at a funny joke, no matter who tells it.  She will sit with a lonely kid while everyone else peers over their shoulder’s at his obvious pain.  She will be herself and be proud of every unique thing that makes her Addison Overgard.

I hope.  I am going to do my best to teach her and guide her and show her through my example that the best thing we can be in this life is kind.  I hope to teach my daughter that knowing who she is, and having confidence in that person, is all the approval she needs. Everything else is just icing.

As the girls paid for their food with wads of bills in their little fists I hoped that their parents raised them with an awareness of other people’s feelings.  And as they shuffled past the table of nerdy girls – the table at which 14 year old Katie would have been sitting – I hoped that each of those girls in their Disney t-shirts, with their imperfect hair, knew that she had something incredible to offer the world.

And as I wound my way to the back of the room – dodging gangly arms and too big feet – my sweet little girl smiled at me.  Whatever she grows up to be, she will be a good person.  I am confident.

Posted on by katieovergard · 3 Comments

Friends.

I have a lot of confidence, I think we’ve covered that fact. I believe in myself when it comes to my marriage, my parenting skills and my artistic talents.  I have a decent view of my body and even though I sometimes want to make some changes I feel pretty dang good about the way I look. I know who I am but more importantly,  I like who I am.

But when it comes to friendships I feel like a confused, insecure and destined to fail.

I have never been the kind of person who needs a lot of friends. As far back as I can remember I just needed one close friend and then some peripheral acquaintances. As I grew up I convinced myself that I was doomed in friendship because so many female friendships failed, usually with a dramatic crash and burn but occasionally with a slow fizzle.  I have been able to maintain close friendships with a number of guys throughout my life and have definitely been one of those girls who claims that “girls and I just don’t get along. They’re too dramatic.”  For all the times I spouted that nonsense, I officially recant my declarations. I have recently come to accept that my reservations about friendship stem from my own dysfunctional view of what friendship itself requires.

The women in my life who love me, specifically my mom and mom-in-law, have wanted me to have female friends for years. I resisted. I ignored their advice declaring the positive aspects of having lifelong girlfriends.  I didn’t want to hear it. But then I had a baby. And I started to really grow up. And I finally admitted to myself that they were right, I needed friends – girlfriends.

To make a long story very short: I now have girlfriends.  They are wonderful.  But I still don’t know what I’m doing. I try to be honest about how I feel. I try to be there for them when I think they need me. I have even, on occasion, put their needs before my own! I really care about them.  I never know if I should do more. I always wonder if what I’m doing is irritating, or abrasive.  I am constantly second guessing myself…WHY?

For some reason I cannot get over my friendship insecurities, its as though I am convinced that I will fail and so I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  In my head I know that I am an adult and can only do my best and be a genuine person, people who want to be around me and in my life WILL be.  But in my heart I am still just a confused little girl who is looking for someone to play with on the playground.

Ahhhh. I’ll figure it out. I have overcome much bigger issues in my life and I know I will conquer this one as well…its just taking a little longer than I’d like it to.

What does an ideal friendship look like to you? Give me advice PLEASE! I am curious to have a peek into a confident, comfortable friendship. I want your success stories!

Posted on by katieovergard · 4 Comments

Well, I was doing laundry anyway.

We just put Addison in her first pair of big girl underwear. She got to pick them out herself and they are covered with flowers and the face of Dora the Explorer, and Addie is THRILLED.

We’ve been working on potty training for awhile now: introduced a new potty about five months ago and explained why we use the potty and what we do in there.  We talked about letting mommy and daddy know when she feels like she might pee pee or poo poo.  And good news – she LOVES the idea of the potty.  It is great fun to yell “potty! potty!” while running to the bathroom and then making mommy and daddy strip her down (because why wouldn’t everyone be completely naked while using the toilet?) Then sitting down and making pushing faces/noises.  And that’s that.  Nothing left behind in the potty,  it’s just another fun toy and chance to get “nake” as Addie so often does. But we both firmly believe that potty training is not something you force, ‘she’ll get it when she’s ready’ we thought.

Then we bought Princess Pull-ups. And waited.

Then we asked her if she liked going poo poo in the potty or her diaper: “Dipe. Poo poo dipe.”

Addie is pumped for preschool so we let her know that she gets to go, “But what do you need to learn first, love?” In her sweet little voice, “PEE PEE POTTY PRESCHOOL!”

So, after registering her for preschool two days ago it hit me that we have until september to make sure she can use the potty.  We still don’t want to push her but we want to make it more appealing to get rid of the ol’ dipes.  We made a “potty poster” with columns for sticker rewards when she does a series of things.  She has two stickers each in the “Let us know you gotta go” and “Sit on the potty and try” categories. But no dice in the “Use Potty”  “Wipe and Flush” and “Wash Hands” categories.  So far, she gets stickers for getting naked, sitting on the potty and pretending to push just like she always has.  Hmmmmm.

She’ll get there.

My little secret? Up until school registration I can’t say I was 100% on board with the idea of no diapers.  We travel a lot. The idea of struggling out of our seats on the airplane because she may or may not have to tinkle sounds awful to me. Not to mention the limo rides to and from the airport – how are those nice drivers going to feel when that tiny voice screams from the backseat, “POO POO MAMA! NOW!” And accidents…oh I can imagine the accidents and the cleaning of the panties and extra outfits…

Part of me wonders why we don’t all just wear diapers.

So, if you have any advice about this potty training business, let me know.  And please, don’t just send in your success stories where you gave your child a potty and he or she grabbed a newspaper to read and started using the potty correctly every time.  I’m gonna be honest, I don’t really want to hear that.  But if you have some helpful tips I would love to be read into your expertise.

Now, I have to go make sure Addison hasn’t peed on anything yet.

Posted on by katieovergard

I think our home is shrinking.

Is it possible for toys to mate and reproduce? Because I don’t remember buying all this STUFF.  We used to have space in our family room and now every surface is covered with some variation of toy. Our windows are even covered with gel stickers – no surface is safe.

The bigger question is: who is at fault?  Addie? Sure she leaves her giant magnifying glass in the middle of the floor and her markers have a hard time staying in their bowl, but the real problem is having this many toys in the first place. And that is MY fault.

I’m a sucker.  I see something that looks fun and it comes home with us. I’m just a big kid.  Addison can walk through a toy store with me at her heels saying, “this looks fun…how about this…ooooh, this one is pretty” and she just waves her little hand, purses her lips and says in her adorable little voice, “no, no, no.”  When she DOES want something I am so pumped that it comes home and adds to the melee that is our home.

Today, Addie and I are cleaning up! I think its time for some underprivileged kids to get some very fun gifts.

Posted on by katieovergard · 1 Comment

one step closer…

I’m 29 today!  If you had asked me a year ago how I would feel once I turned 29 I would have guessed my reaction would be longing for my youth to continue ad infinitum. But you know what? I feel like I have one arm out of a lead coat that I have been wearing for the last decade or so.  I am one step closer to reaching, what in my mind, is a glorious shedding of what is expected of a woman in her teens and twenties.

Sound crazy? Maybe.  But to me, the twenties represent expectations of youthful brazenness, universal sexual appeal, maintaining one’s physical peak and an unquenchable thirst for adventure and excitement.  That is a lot of pressure on someone who is trying to figure out who the heck they want to be.  The past nine years of my life have found me on an undulating roller-coaster of maturity, morality and self-confidence.  I will not be sorry to step off this ride and enjoy my newfound contentment with who I am.  I feel like a puppy pulling on my leash trying to get to the next decade of my existence, a milestone more commonly greeted with tears or emotional shock.

Am I surprised my my reaction? Heck yeah I am!  I have always put too much of my self-worth in my appearance and public image.  I am embarrassed to admit that for the first few years of my twenties much of my self-confidence came from feeling desired by others.  Desired for my appearance, my company, my lifestyle.  How exhausting and draining!  I felt that the cover of my book was beautiful, but my content left something to be desired.  It has only been in the last couple of years that I have started to shift my basis of self from the external to my ever growing internal confidence.  I started to recognize all the things that are great about me that had nothing to do with the narrowness of my thighs or the fit of my bikini.  And you know what? finding pride in the fact that I am funny and talented and have something interesting to say is WAY more satisfying than looking good in a pair of tight jeans.

I plan to combine each step I take out of my twenties with another joyful realization that who I am is bigger than what others see.  The past four years have been so monumental in my personal development that I am nothing less than thrilled to find out what I can accomplish and how I will develop over the next five years.  Happy Birthday to me!  Yeah for 29!

I can only IMAGINE how I will feel when 40 rolls around!