So Addison has officially been on more than 40 flights in her lifetime.  40 flights in 22 months.  Part of me feels bad for her that she has been uprooted so many times that she has flown more than some adults, but she LOVES it.  She talks about the “pane” for two days before the flight every single time and whenever she sees an airplane in the sky she flaps her arms and says, “fwy! fwy!” I’m glad that she thinks traveling is fun, and she has really learned how to behave.  This last flight I asked her why she shouldn’t kick the seat in front of her and she pointed to the man in the seat and said, “Guy.”  She is so smart!

But the thing that’s really on my mind right now is the often unmentioned part of travel: the guilt trip.  Every once in a while it hits me that our bohemian lifestyle may not always be beneficial to Addie.  One of these days we are going to be functioning members of normal society…you know, like the majority of America?  The kids surrounding Addie will have probably lived VERY different lives than my little Goose.  Her detailed knowledge of airport security or understanding of how to behave in a restaurant isn’t going to do her any good when she’s face to face with twelve other toddlers.

It really hits me how different our life is at home when we are transplanted into a “normal” schedule (aka my parents house).  When we’re at home, Chris, Addie and I do the same thing everyday:  Chris wakes up with Addie in the morning and they play until I wake up.  When I come downstairs Addie yells “MAMA!” and runs into my arms. She then decides she’s hungry and I fix her some breakfast.  Then we all play for a couple of hours until Addie Goose is ready for a nap.  While she’s sleeping Chris and I get things done around the house, sometimes we just sit and hang out together, sometimes we actually work!  When Addie wakes up we go out to lunch, most of the time we go to Noodles & Co., Sweet Tomatoes, Atlanta Bread Co., Panera or Ruby Tuesday (all places that Addie will actually eat something.)  Then we run a couple of errands then come home and play until dinner time.  And most of the time, surprise surprise, we go out for dinner…although lately we have been having dinner at home.  Pretty riveting right?  We have SUCH a different lifestyle from everyone else we know that sometimes it can be hard to adjust when we need to function on any kind of schedule.  My family in Colorado is about as accommodating as ANYONE could ever be when two people (one being a picky two year old) invade their home.  But I can’t make them eat at Noodles & Co. every time Addie refuses to eat.  I can’t change everyone’s plans because Addie is kinda fussy and something else would suit her better.  Its just not the way the real world works.  And I feel bad about that when it comes to my daughter.  I want to turn the world upside down to make her happy…but I guess we both have to get used to the world being right side up.

I know that Christopher, Addie and I (and someday baby numero dos) could live happily just the way we do right now…if we could stay in our little bohemian bubble.  But Addie will be in preschool soon and we have to let her learn how to act around other kids.  Sure, she’s pretty much NEVER been sick and I credit a lot of that to keeping her out of daycare and nurseries etc, but she has missed out on a lot more than germs.  She LOVES being around other kids whenever she can.  Interacting with people her own size is a rare treat for my tiny adult.  And that is my fault.  But I don’t need to put her in daycare, both her parents are home with her everyday.  Is there a toss-up between interacting with other kids and playing with Mommy AND Daddy every single day? I don’t know.  She gets a lot of love and attention that most other kids don’t get … but those other kids know how to share!

No one else sends me on these long guilt trips that require some serious luggage. It’s just me.  I’m always second guessing myself and rethinking my decisions.  I don’t think those are bad things — its how I learn and adjust in this role of PARENT.

So, we’re just going to keep on doing what we do until we have to change.  We are very blessed to live this way, on our own terms surrounded by our very favorite people.  The three of us are a little island in the sea of normal society…but we sure are having a nice time here.

Man! What a day.  It was a fine travel day, nothing bad happened,  but it wore me out.  Our limo driver was late then talked the entire drive to the airport about his home (Lithuania) and how I don’t look or act like an American girl.  He didn’t specify what country he thought I was from, just ‘European.’  He told me about flying with his six year old daughter to his home and how my two hour flight with Addie didn’t compare to his ten hours to Lithuania.  Ooookay.  When I told him that we have a DVD player for the flight he looked at me in the rear view mirror, furrowed his brow and said, “Not very much time with the TV,” letting me know that he didn’t approve.  I told him that we were fine thank you.  

Addison Goose was awesome at the airport as we did the check in process – she’s such a pro now that she does everything without me asking (taking off her shoes in the security line, standing still when I put her carseat on the screener belt, etc) She was awake the entire flight and was very concerned about the woman sitting next to us who didn’t speak any english but cried softly the entire flight.  I was a little weirded out as to how I should handle a crying stranger but my innocent baby kept reaching out to her and saying, “Hi!” 

But I digress. We arrived in Colorado to beautiful sunshine and a smiling MoMo which is always wonderful.  We went out for lunch then shopped around, came home to wait for PaPa then went out AGAIN for dinner and a walk around the mall with Aunt Bear, Uncle Craig and Baby Jackson.  By the time Addie was ready for bed it was nine o’clock and I was so tired my eyeballs hurt. 

When seven am rolled around this morning Addison told me it was time to get up and I opened my eyes to yet another perfect day looking out over the Red Rocks.  This is going to be a good week.

Here we go again!  Addie and I are flying again today.  Chris has been gone for four days and so it has just been the two of us for a little while now.  As much as we miss Christopher when he’s away Addie and I have a good rhythm when its just the girls…but last night we both veered from the proven path.  She woke up at two am and once I got her settled it took me an hour and a half to get back to sleep.  Then on the ONE day I needed her to sleep a little longer she decides that 6 am is a great time to be up and at ’em.  SO TIRED.  I even tried snuggling with her in the bed in her room but she wasn’t having it.  “DOWN DOWN! T!  DaDa!” Between wanted to go downstairs and watch TV and wanting to see her Daddy she was a super chatterbox.  So we got up.  

The limo is picking us up in half an hour and surprisingly I convinced her to take a little nap.  She is so excited to be back on a plane and to see MoMo and PaPa that she acquiesced.  Man, its only 8:30 and I’m already beat.  But life goes on, I have everything packed including a fully charged portable DVD player with FOUR movie choices!  

Wish us luck!  Talk to you when we’re on the ground again.

I was sitting cross-legged on the floor with Addie standing in my lap as I buttoned her shirt.  She was watching her favorite show, The Backyardigans, and had a sweet smile on her face as she sucked on her finger and watched her friends.  I whispered in her ear, “I love you sweet girl. ”  She smiled, said “I dub” and without taking her eyes away from the TV screen she pulled her finger from her mouth and wiped it on my cheek!  I couldn’t help but laugh and then she did it again…and again!  I finally gathered my mother composure and held her hand so she couldn’t cover my face with baby spit anymore.  

Then I gathered her in my arms and tickled her until we were both tired.  

What did I learn today?  Even the slobbery moments are precious.  I love being a mom.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about parenting advice.  I don’t mean the constant stream of advice (a lot of it unsolicited) from magazines, television, books, other parents, random strangers, friends, relatives and anyone else who feels that they know the golden path to raising the perfect child – I mean MY parenting advice.

Early in my pregnancy I promised myself I would not dole out my pearls of wisdom to anyone other than those who expressly begged for them.  I’ve had a few slip-ups, but overall I think I do a pretty good job of keeping my mouth shut.  When someone does ask for my opinion or advice, I am very careful to think about the person asking, what their child is like and what I really know about what they are asking.  My usual response is to tell a story of what worked for us (Chris, Addie and me) or I preface what I say with, “well, for me…”

But as I actually get some mothering under my belt, I am finding that I want to say something useful.  I have learned some valuable lessons.  I do have some pretty useful things to say.  But what are they?  I’ve spent some serious thinking time on this and decided to write my parenting priority list: to organize my path through being a parent, bulletpoints and all.  Here you go…

NOTE: Obviously, loving your child comes first and foremost.  But let’s be honest, if you don’t put that at the top of your list then we have bigger problems than any advice I can give you.

• My numero uno, most important, only way I get through the day? STAY CALM.  Take things in stride.  I have grown into a very calm, rational person (anyone who knew me five years ago would not believe this about me) but man, it makes life SO much easier for my entire family.  I know that being ruled by emotions makes it nearly impossible to stay calm in any situation, let alone when your kid does something that makes you mad, or scared, or sad. But working on feeling calm is worth it. If something happens, I stop and think about its actual impact on my life.  Is it a big enough deal to yell at my child and make her cry?  Nope.  More often than not, she didn’t know she was doing something wrong or her little hands couldn’t hold the slippery cup of grape juice. I’m not saying I let my daughter get away with being naughty, but I let her know what’s right and wrong without the drama. I feel better, she feels better and she actually listens to the reason it is important to have a glass that fits in her hand, rather than crying hysterically on the floor.  Taking things in stride makes for a calm, confident home.  This I know for sure.
• Put myself in her shoes. Yes, in a sense I am just a punk kid with a toddler, I haven’t gone toe to toe with a sassy pre-teen or full blown teenager (unless you count my younger sister…hey Bean!) But it is my hope that as Addison grows up, I can think about what she might be feeling, what its like to be in her position, before I react or pass judgement on how she should be feeling.  Remember what it was like to be in high school and have that boy you liked completely ignore you? I do.  Years from now when Addie comes home from a day at school in tears about a boy, or a rumor or a bad grade I want to remember how I felt, how very serious it was for me so I can validate her feelings and never make her feel small and unimportant.  As far as today goes, when Addie is throwing a fit on the kitchen floor, I try really hard to think about how frustrating it must be to want to communicate but have the one person who is supposed to help you not understand what you are trying so hard to say.  I would cry on the kitchen floor too.  Growing up is really hard.  I hope Addie always feels that I am on her team, rooting her on.
• I am not omniscient. That’s right, I said it – I do NOT know everything.  I can wholeheartedly admit that I have a lot to learn.  I spend every moment of every day doing what I think is best for my child, but when it comes to your child, you are the expert.  No one knows Addie like I do…what she likes and dislikes, what scares her, what makes her sick, what makes her dance.  There are people that know A LOT about her, or that know a lot about children in general, but they will never know her like I do.  But I still have so much to learn – about her, about parenting, about being a wife AND a mother AND being true to me.  Luckily, recognizing that I don’t know everything opens me up to the possibilities of what I can learn.  And that is very exciting.

Okay, I am admitting right off the bat that I am NOT the stylemama, that would be Liz.  But I do know what looks good on me and somewhere along the way I figured out what looks good on other people too.  Ask around, I promise, I am not just tooting my own horn!  One of the things I do “on the side” when I’m not working on my website is to help people with closet make-overs. I go to a woman’s home and together we sort through her clothes; categorizing, editing, trying on and deciding what fits and doesn’t fit, what’s flattering and what needs to be donated to Goodwill.  I’ve learned that most women share some common misconceptions about how the world perceives them.  Here are some issues that I want to clear up with all of you out there who claim that you: a) don’t have time to be stylish  b) don’t like your size so you’re not going to invest in quality clothing or c) can’t find anything that looks good on you  (you all know who you are!) 

 I empathize with those of you who feel that you fall into any or all of the categories above. I’ve been there too.  Before I had a baby I LOVED putting outfits together.  My style was quirky and individual and I had a ton of fun with it.  Up until the night I gave birth (which happened to be my baby shower, by the way, Addie decided she was showing up 3 weeks early) I put thought and care into my wardrobe.  AND THEN…Addie popped out and all the maternity pilates I did the past nine months (and the 5 years of pilates before that) didn’t matter.  I was squishy and big in places I had never been big before.  My nice firm belly full of baby had become a flap.  I would be lying if the words sexy or attractive ever entered my mind when describing how i felt about my body. Sure I felt that what my body had just done was absolutely incredible and the fact that it could produce everything that Addie needed even after she was born was a miracle in itself.  But was I slipping on my skinny jeans? No. My wardrobe quickly became nursing friendly / black-dark brown-dark green / no accessories / comfy / easy / quick. My hair was in a ponytail every day.  Flats took over where heels once ruled.  I had transformed into a BlahMama.  So I get it.  Its hard to want to be stylish when you feel like crap.   In an effort to keep this post a somewhat readable length, I will condense the lessons I learned to make easy changes to start you on the road to feeling better about your appearance:

1. It’s just as easy to pull on tailored black slacks or well-fitting jeans as it is to pull on sweatpants.  Work those dark colors if it makes you feel better! In fact, I support you…nothing covers lumps and bumps better than dark shades.  Want to know why? Shadows.  Light colors show the shadows that lumps and rolls create. Dark colors don’t. 
2. Wear cute shoes.  There are SO many possibilities out there that you have no excuse to wear ugly shoes.  I like to wear ballet flats (pretty much every single day) but if your feet can’t handle them buy cute loafers in bright colors or one of a million other attractive/sensible/comfortable options out there. Please don’t wear ugly shoes!
3. Accessorize.  This may not mean necklaces and dangly earrings for those of us with grabby children, but a statement bag or belt or, as mentioned above, a cute shoe can take an otherwise boring outfit and make it personal and interesting.  When your kids stop wanting to rip your earrings out or swing from your necklace start to add fun jewelry as well. I JUST got to this stage and I’m loving it.
4. MAKE SURE YOUR CLOTHES FIT.  No one sees the size of your pants.  They only see the way they fit.  And fit does not equal expensive.  You can buy any pair of pants that fit you fairly well and get them nipped and tucked at your local tailor or dry cleaner.  If you have curves and always buy pants too small because thats the only way to get pants to fit your waist, then find pants that fit your HIPS then get the waist taken in.  Pants always too long? Alter the length.  Most stores offer this service.  Can’t find a blazer that fits over your boobs and your waist and your shoulders? Get one that fits your shoulders and doesn’t strain over the “bubboos” (Addie’s word for boobs) then have the waist nipped in. 

I could go on forever.  There are so many little tips that add some oomph to your wardrobe.  This isn’t about the clothes and what shirt looks good with a certain style of slacks (although I do love me some cute clothes.) It is because I know that feeling put together makes a woman feel better about who she is.  This isn’t about vanity, its about how you present yourself to the world, about giving yourself the time of day to care about how you feel. 

Once I started putting as much effort into my wardrobe as I was putting into Addie’s I started feeling so much more confident. I stopped wondering if people were looking at me because my bra was too tight and they could see the lumps it created on my back.  Now I think they look at me and think, “Wow, she has a toddler and she still looks so stylish!” 

Whether they’re actually thinking that doesn’t matter…its the fact that they should.

When are you too old to dress up for Halloween?  Personally, I don’t think there is an expiration date, I LOVE wearing costumes.  This year I had two costume choices lined up: as a 50’s housewife with pearls, an apron and a cardigan over a cinched waist dress, I even bought a Bump-It to create a bouffant!  My second choice was to dress as a hick.  Not a farmer, not a bumpkin. A hick.  Straw hat, plaid button down shirt, rope as a belt, a stick-on gold tooth and ‘tooth black’ to make two of my bottom teeth disappear.  It was going to be awesome.  I spent two days waffling about whether or not I was going to dress up and wrote four mass emails to my three best friends demanding their assurance that I wouldn’t be the only 28 year old in the bar wearing a costume.  I spend a good portion of my life making sure that I stand out – I spent almost three years dying a section of my hair either purple, red or pink for goodness sake! And here I am getting my friends to dress up so I won’t look like a fool.  So on Halloween day I finally decide that no matter what everyone else does I am going to wear a costume.  And truth be told, I didn’t even really want to wear one, it had lost its fun, but I wanted to prove to myself that I don’t need to fold into a crowd to be comfortable.  Wearing a costume without knowing if any of my friends would do it meant that I was being true to myself and what I believe in: that confidence comes from within.  

At 8 pm Chris and I were heading to an Irish pub where our friends’ band was playing.  My hair was braided, my boots laced up, my plaid shirt tucked in to my rope belt and I was putting the black wax on my front tooth.  Moments from walking out the door of our apartment I received a text from my friend Bethany reading, “DO NOT WEAR A COSTUME. No one here is dressed up.”

Faster than you can say “dental work” I took that costume off and replaced it with my normal (very cute) outfit I had worn all day.  And I felt super confident all. night. long. 

After all that hullabulloo, I guess I just needed to listen to my gut all along instead of trying to convince myself that being different meant I was being confident.  Sometimes I just get in my own way!

Chris, Addie and I were driving home from lunch today when we saw a high school cross country team running along the road.  Amidst the flailing arms and legs was a huge poof of curly blonde hair bouncing as its skinny teenaged owner ran.  “Did you see that hair?!” I exclaimed, “How could I miss it!” laughed Chris.  I thought that would be the end of it but he continued, “That’s the time to have hair like that, when you can just do what you want, before you need anyone to take you seriously.”  We went on to have a conversation about feeling self assured in high school and how even the most popular kid in school has confidence issues and bad hair days.  

My high school days are far behind me – I just attended my ten year reunion – and I wouldn’t go back and do it again even if someone offered me an obscene amount of money.  But thinking back to those days makes me wonder if its possible to raise our daughter to be comfortable with herself in high school.  I know that high school is so hard for everyone because it occurs when kids are going through an awkward growth stage physically, emotionally and socially – but is there a way to reduce that awkwardness for your child?

The only thing I could think of was to provide Addison with enough of a life outside of her ‘normal everyday’ that high school doesn’t feel like the center of her universe like it does for so many kids.  Chris and I talked about exposing Addie to world travel, letting her witness what it feels like to stand at the base of the tower of London, or marvel at the color of the ocean in the caribbean.  Would seeing the Eiffel tower make the inevitable pimples seem less important?  I don’t know.  I DO know that I am entering a new stage of parenthood that is taking me by surprise: I’m looking past the baby stage and thinking about Addison’s future, who she’s going to be – it is simultaneously amazing and incredibly terrifying!  I don’t really want to imagine my sweet little cuddle bug as a sixteen year old with a boyfriend.  But it will eventually happen and because of that inevitability I think I need to start preparing for it NOW!!  

Those of you with teenagers, do you have any insight or advice?  I’m so interested in hearing how other parents help their kids feel comfortable with themselves during such a pivotal stage of growth.  Maybe I’m a little premature on this topic, but it never hurts to be prepared!  

Perhaps I should focus my sights on preschool first… 🙂