I always thought I was going to be the kind of mom that didn’t care how other kids were developing compared to Addie, that their sleep or eating habits would be of no consequence to me.  I guess it is true now, to some degree.  But its been over two years and we live in VERY different circumstances that make it possible to shut down the “comparison reaction” that comes so naturally with motherhood.

But when Addison was born that instinctual reaction kicked in right away.  I told my labor story numerous times with pride and a little swagger.  As time progressed and people started asking questions about Addie’s schedule I found myself telling people what they wanted to hear.  If they asked if she was a bottle or breast baby I would tell them we were breastfeeding her and that she was great. In reality it took about three and a half weeks for her to get the hang of it and I was in serious, tear-inducing pain.  Is she a good sleeper? Wonderful, she loves to sleep. She’s the perfect baby. But if they could peer through our windows they would see that she was only a good sleeper those first few weeks because we never put her down. She took naps in our arms and slept on our chests at night.  The people that knew about our sleeping arrangements didn’t think it was a good idea but Addie was born three weeks early and TEENY-TINY.  She was the smallest thing either of us had ever seen, let alone been responsible for, and we wanted her in our grasps to keep her safe and feel her sweaty little head against our skin.  We eventually moved her to the pack & play next to our bed but if she made any peep at all I pulled her up next to me and we cuddled the night away.

Long story short, she didn’t know how to self-sooth until she was about 8 months old when we finally broke down and bought Ferber’s sleep book.  It worked, but at two years and three months old Addie is still waking up once a night to say hello to Mama. And every day I tell myself that I am  going to change it and teach her that she needs to sleep all the way through the night. But there is always a reason not to, always a voice in the back of my head that she’ll get there naturally.  And it’s not just sleep, Addie hated eating until she was 16 months old.  It was a battle where Chris and I found ourselves discussing her diet with her pediatrician every visit and worried about her health because she hated eating SO much. But I wanted people to see her as the perfect little angel they wanted to hear about.

If you are a new mother or will be one soon here is what I want you to remember:

No child is normal.  We always hear the stories that ‘Charlie is a great eater’ or ‘Suzette sleeps 12 hours every night’.  I’m not saying those parents are always lying, but they may be! Every time I have had an honest conversation with another parent I hear the same stories about sleep issues, picky eaters and kids who refuse to talk or crawl or smile.  Every child develops at their own pace.  Let them.  It makes life a LOT easier for you and a lot healthier for your child if you keep track of his or her development alone and not on a timeline from a book or from other kids.  Listen to your gut if you think something is up and always check in with your doctor, but if Little Johnny next door is younger than your child but already knows how to crawl and yours is struggling with getting off her little belly – let her be.  She’ll get there when she’s ready.

People will always ask questions to which they don’t deserve the answers. We are all nosy.  And there is an automatic bonding zone if you are with another new mom and have nothing else to talk about – of course you’re going to talk about your babies! But keep your head on straight, no matter what stage of development your baby has achieved, that little person is incredible.  Let everyone see that you think your child is perfect no matter what and they won’t care that she refuses to open her mouth for a spoon.

The “Normal Baby” is a myth.  But the perfect baby? Why, that baby is YOURS.