I have a lot of confidence, I think we’ve covered that fact. I believe in myself when it comes to my marriage, my parenting skills and my artistic talents.  I have a decent view of my body and even though I sometimes want to make some changes I feel pretty dang good about the way I look. I know who I am but more importantly,  I like who I am.

But when it comes to friendships I feel like a confused, insecure and destined to fail.

I have never been the kind of person who needs a lot of friends. As far back as I can remember I just needed one close friend and then some peripheral acquaintances. As I grew up I convinced myself that I was doomed in friendship because so many female friendships failed, usually with a dramatic crash and burn but occasionally with a slow fizzle.  I have been able to maintain close friendships with a number of guys throughout my life and have definitely been one of those girls who claims that “girls and I just don’t get along. They’re too dramatic.”  For all the times I spouted that nonsense, I officially recant my declarations. I have recently come to accept that my reservations about friendship stem from my own dysfunctional view of what friendship itself requires.

The women in my life who love me, specifically my mom and mom-in-law, have wanted me to have female friends for years. I resisted. I ignored their advice declaring the positive aspects of having lifelong girlfriends.  I didn’t want to hear it. But then I had a baby. And I started to really grow up. And I finally admitted to myself that they were right, I needed friends – girlfriends.

To make a long story very short: I now have girlfriends.  They are wonderful.  But I still don’t know what I’m doing. I try to be honest about how I feel. I try to be there for them when I think they need me. I have even, on occasion, put their needs before my own! I really care about them.  I never know if I should do more. I always wonder if what I’m doing is irritating, or abrasive.  I am constantly second guessing myself…WHY?

For some reason I cannot get over my friendship insecurities, its as though I am convinced that I will fail and so I am just waiting for the other shoe to drop.  In my head I know that I am an adult and can only do my best and be a genuine person, people who want to be around me and in my life WILL be.  But in my heart I am still just a confused little girl who is looking for someone to play with on the playground.

Ahhhh. I’ll figure it out. I have overcome much bigger issues in my life and I know I will conquer this one as well…its just taking a little longer than I’d like it to.

What does an ideal friendship look like to you? Give me advice PLEASE! I am curious to have a peek into a confident, comfortable friendship. I want your success stories!