Posted on by katieovergard

Today is the day.

Today I take my little girl to her first official day of preschool. Chris is out of town for work so I need to buck up and put on a happy face for Addie.

It’s not that I’m unhappy; she is thrilled and LOVES preschool so much it’s easy to be thrilled for her. I just have this little bunch of nerves in my stomach that won’t leave me alone. There are just a few tears that are hiding deep behind my eyes that don’t want to come out and see the light of day. But they’re there.

And she keeps telling me she misses her daddy; that she wants him here.  Which makes me want to cry because I want him here too.  But then she runs off to watch the Cat in the Hat and is happy as can be and I’m left with a lump in my throat.

I’ll be fine, she’ll be fine, we’ll all be fine. I just can’t believe we’re here already – I hope the rest doesn’t go too fast.

Posted on by katieovergard

stages of parenthood

I have but a smidgen of parenting experience under my belt but I have observed a few different stages that parents hit as they (we) muddle our way through this whole “shaping our children for life” thing.  We move from the newborn stage when it feels like every decision is based around the baby: what does she need? is she hungry? is she warm?is she pooping enough? is she pooping too much? When in reality the newborn stage is more about US then it is about them.

Sure we’re thinking about them in everything we do, but this stage is more self-centered…don’t get defensive, hear me out.  If we were only thinking of the baby it would be cut and dry.  She’s fed, she’s warm, she’s pooing adequately.  It’s our newness to parenting that consumes us: am I doing this right? Did I put the diaper on correctly? What do other parents think of me? What do my parents think of me? Am I doing what’s best for her? AM I doing enough?  That’s a lot of I.  But the newborn stage is full of everyone getting used to that baby being in the world.

Stage two comes with toddlerhood when that little voice can articulate what she wants and needs.  Its during this stage that the kid starts becoming her own person and you start thinking about what SHE thinks and how SHE feels.  It’s not only a guess as to what she needs…she’ll tell you at length.  And then you do it.  Its during this stage that parents need to start establishing an identity apart from ‘parent’ because its easy to get lost in following the orders of the pint sized general issuing orders daily.

Stage three, which I have yet to enter, is when parent and child start to figure things out together – when its not all about her, but its not all about you either.  She starts having a schedule of her own and you start to have one outside of her daily needs.  This is the calm before the storm – when two individuals can work together on a team to benefit the greater good.

Next stage, the teen years.  When you both have your schedules and your needs and you have to figure out how to achieve the happiness of all involved when there is a new, independent individual emerging from the complacent child.  This is when we as parents can decide to accept that our baby is no longer a baby and start entertaining the idea of treating her like an equal – you know, acknowledging that she is going to start having profound ideas and realizations about life and who she wants to be.  And trying really hard to not say, “Oh, she’s just being a teenager.”  Because teenagers can be pretty cool.  It’s this stage that I can accept intellectually but not emotionally…will I be able to step back and let Addie figure out who she is without trying to imprint who I think she should be?  I hope so but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it.

And finally: adulthood.  The stage when kids gain membership into this great club of ours.  When they (we) start seeing our parents as people rather than ‘mom and dad’ cloaked in an untouchable shroud of superiority and unquestioned obedience.  When flaws are seen without a coating of sugar and admirable attributes are uncovered with a newfound understanding of the challenges of LIFE.  I feel like this is when the friendship that was achieved in toddlerhood and then overshadowed by growing up is uncovered and allowed to bloom between parents and child.  I hope that I will be able to step back and let Addie make her own decisions and do what’s right in her own life all the while letting her know that my love and support for her are immeasurable.  You know, that fine line between letting her know that all I want is to have her in my life but she can live her life without feeling like I can’t live without her.  Thats a tough thing to accomplish.

There you go.  The Idiots Guide to the Stages of Parenting.

Feel free to tell me I’m wrong, I’d love to hear from parents who are past their first two years of experience!

Posted on by katieovergard

Afraid of flying? Seriously?

I have been on so many flights in my lifetime I wouldn’t even begin to assume that I could count them all.  In all that time I don’t remember ever being afraid of flying.

I am now.

Fully, completely, hand holding while praying afraid of flying.  Its not the actual flying, I guess.  Its the potential of mishap that lurks on the edges of my consciousness.  That’s what scares me.  You know why?  It’s the little blonde girl sitting next to me in the pink car seat.  When it was just me on the plane I never gave two thoughts to the problems that we could encounter.  But with that Boo Boo sitting next to me all I can think about is her future and everything she gets to do in her life.  I think about her daddy and all the people we love.  I think and think and think and think.

Thinking is bad in those situations.  In most situations, actually.  I’m not just afraid of flying now, I don’t like cars so much.  Not ours, but the fact I can’t control what any of the other ones are doing.  And stairs.  Balconies.  Elevators.  It’s insane.  I know that part of it is the lack of safety I have felt since the shooting, feeling that no one is safe from anything (charming isn’t it?) But I think most of it is just being a parent.  I am aware of dangers that I never realized were there.  She could really hurt herself climbing out of her crib.  Yes, she could climb out and be fine, but there is a chance that she could fall the wrong way and land on her neck.

Freaking you out, am I?  Well, I’m just saying what every parent has thought at one point or another.  It’s terrifying loving someone so much and knowing that I can’t protect her from EVERYTHING.  Cause man, I love her a lot.

The shooting also taught me that what will be will be.  We can’t change it so why live life in fear? But a piece of me always will when it comes to that little girl.

So, we’ll take another flight and there will be more balconies and stairs.  Everything will probably be fine.  And I’ll still be insane.

Posted on by katieovergard

Preschool.

My baby is not a baby anymore.

Aaaaaand we're off!

This morning Chris and I took Addie to her very first day of preschool.  It was a “gradual day” that allowed the kids to acclimate to the idea of preschool rather than dumping them right into a regular day.  It was awesome, Addison was awesome, her teachers were awesome.  Everything was freakin’ awesome.  But my baby is still growing up.

Before you write me off as a grasping mom who won’t loosen the apron strings let me explain how I really feel about Addie starting preschool:

  1. I can’t believe that my precious little lump of a newborn walks and talks and learns and converses and is ready for her first day of school.  It really wasn’t that long ago that all she could do was turn her head, fill up a diaper, sleep on our chests and drool a little bit.  Right?
  2. Yes, I am going to have five hours of free time per week.  Yes, I hear all of you other parents tell me that I will be thrilled with the time.  But I am really going to miss the Goose; she’s my friend, my little buddy.  We do everything together and I really like spending time with her.
  3. I’m jealous of her teachers.  They will get to witness so many incredible ‘first’ moments.  First best friend, first time using scissors, first time she understands how to play WITH another kid rather than next to them…on and on.  I’m straight up jealous that I won’t get to see all those moments.
  4. She’s going to have ridiculous amounts of fun.  She is ready for preschool and needs it.  Addie is a voracious learner and absorbs everything she is told/taught.  The kid needs to be around other kids and she will thrive in a school atmosphere.  I have no doubt.
  5. I have always been excited about the upcoming stage in Addie’s development.  Whenever she reached a new stage or learned a new skill I was not only pleased but felt blessed to watch her grow up.  But preschool is the first stage that makes my stomach hurt a little bit.  It feels like the first step where she’ll grow away from me.  She’ll learn to rely on her teachers…not just me anymore.  She’ll learn that she can be away from me and still be okay.  She’ll learn she can do things on her own without calling out “Mama!” in that sweet little voice.  Its a long road until I have to say goodbye to her and let her be an adult, but I feel like we have placed our feet on that road for the first time…and its time to start taking steps.  That makes me want to shed a few tears.
  6. My little girl is incredible.  I know that she is going to rock preschool and that we will all acclimate to this new stage and we will all be fine.  Some more than others, but I promise I will only cry when no one else can see the tears – especially my courageous little construction princess.

    Addie during her first day of preschool
Posted on by katieovergard · 1 Comment

Remember Me?

So….it’s been about twenty eight years since I last posted.  How do you feel about that?  I feel a little sheepish.  I don’t have any good reason, mainly that sometimes I find it hard to do stuff. That ever happen to you?  You have things you need to do but just can’t find the motivation?  Don’t lie, it happens to all of us, no need to be ashamed.

Here’s what happens in my head every other day when Addie is cuddled in her bed for naptime and I am supposed to start my workout:

I need to work out.  But I’m kinda tired.  I could skip one day, I’m so good about it every single time. Yeah, but you already have your workout clothes on, you might as well at least do part of it. Ugh, I guess I’ll do the abs section and skip legs and arms.  Good thinking.  (get through abs) Ah, damn. I might as well finish the whole workout, I’ve gotten this far.  (get to the end) Man, I’m really glad I did that.

No joke, I do that EVERY single time I work out.  You know what gets me on the floor doing whatever Tracy Anderson tells me to do?  Picturing myself in a bikini.  Or leggings and a figure hugging sweater. Gets me every time.

But its not only working out and writing that is plagued by my laziness, can you believe that!  If you follow my website at all you know that my projects used to be posted with regularity and pinache, now they are few and far between and lack the verve they once had.  I’m still doing the projects, just not putting them on my website.  How dumb is that? And I’m getting more positive feedback then ever before on my projects.  Fancy that.

As of this moment I am giving myself a giant kick in the butt.  Get movin Kate!  Write about what parenting is really like!  Paint those frames and post em on your website!  Fix that hole in the armpit of your sweater! (seriously, its getting big).

Need a boost yourself?  I don’t have any advice for you, I wish I did!  The only reason I realized I was such a schlub was my sister telling me how much she loves my blog and that I haven’t posted in a long time.  Cue me feeling sheepish.

I’m back.  Get ready to have your inboxes flooded with my musings and inconsequential commentary. Let’s get this show on the road.